78 Reasons to Review This Book

I remember sitting at a writer's conference this summer listening to the authors and editors drone on about this business thinking, "They're lying to me! They're lying! They're lying to all of us!"

That's not a problem in Pat Walsh's 78 Reasons Why Your Book May Never Be Published & 14 ReasonsWhy It Just Might (Penguin, 2005). It's about as brutal an assault on the unpublishable and untalented as can be imagined. The first half of the book, say the first 30 reasons or so, positively sing. Why won't your book be published? You haven't written it. You don't know grammar. You think too highly of yourself. And so on. If you want truth, digest this: Mr. Walsh believes that the house where he works, MacAdams/Cage, only publishes one-half of one percent of what they read -- not what they receive. Good luck getting out of the slush. You have better odds throwing craps in Vegas, but, I believe, if you're truly a writer, a string of 7's is still less satisfying than publishing. And as for publishing, my position is you need to know somebody. Mr. Walsh agrees. And it's not likely to be him.

That said, the book is funny and astute, with a certain approachable verve and nerve that is likeable. Mr. Walsh reminds me of that cranky college professor, frustrated that he himself has not published, who hates everything you write but then sees promise, even genius, in that one line you wanted to cut, in that one sentence you tossed off. He can spot a gem, even if it means poring through garbage. Still, he thinks you're a hack who won't amount to anything because you don't apply yourself. He's your parents with a critical eye you can respect.

Not all of the 78 reasons, though, struck me as reasons a ms might not get published. When a writer gets too involved in marketing, isn't the book about to be published? Would a house really pull it just because the writer is a pain in the neck? Perhaps, but it seems unlikely. And Mr. Walsh freely admits during his exploratory of the publishing side of the world that these insights may not help an author at all, but they still might keep his book from seeing the light of day, or keep him from publishing a second. Still, I greatly appreciate his insider's look at such things as P&L's (profit-and-loss statements), especially after hearing editors repeatedly referring to them at Falling Leaves two weeks ago.

A general rule of crititquing is to open with kind words and close with cruelty. Mr. Walsh took the opposite approach, the one I prefer -- open cruelly, rub salt in the wound, and then stitch the writer's ego back together with thin nylon and a touch of salve. That's his 14 reasons why it just might section, and very little of that has to do with writing. You have written a good book, an outstanding book, perhaps, and all that helps, but you need to know to whom to reach, how to reach them, and above all, be willing to work with them. You're flexible, agreeable, and amenable. Rewrites are done quickly and professionally, and criticism is taken with the aplomb of a veteran comic dying at an open mic. It happens.

I highly recommend Mr. Walsh's book. We are unlikely to ever cross paths, but he's a bitter enough man for me to know that I could work with him. And if not, at least challenge his cynical approach to publishing. If not that, then to life. Still, with that said, buy a copy of 78 Reasons, even if it is closer to 68 Reasons. Or if you're like me, that starving artist, pick it up at the library with a touch of shame, denying him the dollar or two, that's still half of what you would spend in postage on the ms you expect him to reject. Either way, read this book. Maybe you'll know why he rejected it.

P.S. Right now I know Kay is laughing at me for 1. Reading a book about writing, even if it is about the business of writing and 2. writing about a book about writing. Go ahead Kay. Enjoy your chuckle... John