What Do You Mean No Ending?

I have been rewriting a piece to submit to Cartwheel after meeting with Rotem Moscovich, one of their editors. She had some very helpful suggestions and encouraged me to resubmit. Here were her two biggest problems with this picture book:

1. A comedic device used throughout that didn't work for her. Hey, no problem there. I'm a comic. I'm not tied to any bit. I can write a new joke (which I have). Oh, wait, hey, major problem. My ending is a call back to that device!

2. The title. The title is a The Solitary Witch. Her original problem was that it sounds more like a YA title, and a bit too serious for this comic-turn picture book. Her dislike grew in leaps and bounds when she found out it's an actual Wiccan term for witches who don't have a coven. Apparently this can be offensive to both Wiccans, if they see it as disrespectful, and Christians unwilling to accept an actual Wiccan term in their Halloween books.

Rotem really forced me to sit down and tear this ms apart. I kept in the phrases and images she really liked, yanked the comedic device, and returned to my original ending. And that's when a new ending, a new callback with a cute last line, came to me. But she really stumped me there for awhile. Took me several rewrites and a week a half to come up with something new. No idea if she'll like the new ending, but it is stronger than the one I presented her originally. Good to have her eye -- and her experience -- on this. So one problem down (perhaps). It's only solved if she likes it.

As for the title, well, I'm still stumped, and have nothing clever for it. So I have temporarily opted for the most straightforward path, changing The Solitary Witch, about a bossy little witch who gets kicked out of her coven, to (drum roll) The Bossy Witch. I know, how original, right? Still, I'm stuck, and for now it will have to do. However, I am OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!

So that's the rewrite story on this, after sitting down with a pro. Rotem says it could be a good fit for their holiday trade paperback line, so I'll pitch it that way. Will mail it out later this week. I'd keep my fingers crossed, but it's a lot harder to type that way.

BTW, The Bossy Witch is one of two mss going out this week. Have to keep trying, have to keep trying...

John